Self-Help

(On reading) How To Do The Work by Nicole LePera

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Heal Yourself…?

“You are your own best healer.” Says the author. The claim is that the existing health structures are not working, and that the traditional model of mental healthcare is limited. How so? Based on her own private practice as a therapist, people are still frustrated, still taking medication, and still feeling stuck. And as she points out, western medicine treats the mind and body as separate entities, while the mind, body and soul are all connected.

The solution? The author created what she calls “Holistic Psychology”: a way to treat yourself by harnessing the mind-body-soul connection. And there are four tenets. To paraphrase: (1) Healing is inward. You have to be an active participant. i.e., you have to want to be healed. (2) Choice enables healing. (3) Healing comes from habits that arise out of your choices, and there are tools and techniques you can implement, (4) Healing is your responsibility.

At this point, I have a couple of reservations about this. How does this model stack up against a control group? For one, it would be nice and ethical to eventually figure out if something is a sugar pill or actual medicine.

A part of this book is about the author’s own journey. Her own rock-bottom story and her struggle out of it. The rest of the book seems to be about psychotherapy and biological concepts. Some of the discussions are about consciousness, thoughts, the influence of stress and childhood trauma, and on how conditioning from parent-figures affect subsequent relationships. The last chapters stress the ultimate goals which are about (1) being your own parent, (2) emotional maturity and (3) authentic relationships.

Overall, this feels disjointed, but I can’t quite figure out how or why. On the surface, this feels like therapy wrapped in a self-help package. Maybe that’s it.

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(On reading) Essentialism by Greg McKeown

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How To Take Control Of Your Life

You’ve heard of the cliches. You can’t do it all. You can’t please everyone. And yet it’s so easy to fall into routines of trying to do it all, or trying to please everyone, which then leads to resentment and a sense of lost autonomy. A quiet desperation.

Everyone has their own interests. If you’re not sure about what’s yours, people will impose theirs on you. “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” The author emphasizes. At the core of Essentialism is this importance of figuring out what matters to you, because this clarity becomes your guide to what you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to.

In three parts, this book details this way of thinking even further. Boiled down, its goal is for “less but better”.

(I) Exploration. Pause and take breaks. Go away and have fun. Play. Look after your sleep and be selective of the things and activities you commit to.

(II) Elimination. Clarify your intentions and let it be known. Say “No” to what’s not essential. Cut your losses and set boundaries.

(III) Execution. Anticipate setbacks. Make systems where doing what matters to you becomes easier. Eliminate obstacles. Celebrate small wins. Focus, and be present.

Why read Essentialism?

You learn why clarity and focus is important.

How can you use this information?

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This is the most common regret of the dying, says another author who previously worked in taking care of patients in the last days of their lives. Live a life true to yourself.

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First Published: May 28, 2019 11:21 pm

(On reading) Effortless by Greg McKeown

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How To Make Life Manageable (And Not Burnout)

A common advice in self-help books is to figure out what matters to you, and to focus your time and attention to those things. But, what if it goes beyond what you can physically manage? What if you are still spread too thin amongst all your priorities?

There is an assumption that you must expend tremendous effort to do what matters to you. However, when you follow this assumption, your risk of burnout becomes higher the longer you overextend yourself. This in turn affects your ability to take care of the things that matter to you.

The author proposes that you reconsider this assumption. There are ways to look after what you value without burning yourself out. You do not have to needlessly suffer. There are ways to make things almost effortless. This is the subject of this book.

(I) Effortless State. Ask: “What would this look like if it was easier?” You have to make things fun and playful. You have to cultivate a sense of gratitude, and to let go of grudges. It’s important to be present and also to take breaks, to rest and to sleep well.

(II) Effortless Action. You have to clarify and to set your goals. You have to find the smallest doable action of those goals, and to set the minimum criteria for completion. You have to be okay with making mistakes when starting, and to keep steady and to follow your set range.

(III) Effortless Results. You have to build a knowledge base. To build expertise, you have to try new things. You have to learn how to teach, to delegate, and to communicate clearly. Automate what can be automated. Foster trust, hire trustworthy people. Look ahead, and set precautions for things that can be prevented.

Why read Effortless?

You learn how to make things less difficult. You learn how to not burnout.

How can you use this information?

You get sustained time and attention that you can focus to the things that matter to you.

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(On reading) Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson

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Ever heard of self-help fable? Here is a quick version, (also spoilers.)

Two mice and two little people live in a maze where they must find cheese. One day they find a station full of cheese. They decide to settle there. On another day, they find that the cheese is gone. The two mice set out to find new cheese. The two little people think they are owed the cheese, so they demand and decide to stay and wait. Nothing comes up. One of the little people decides that he is tired of waiting and finds cheese. Along the way, he realizes lessons to ponder. Finally, *drumroll* he finds cheese.

Lesson: Change happens. Adapt.

The story has a self-help/business bent, so it has the trappings of the genre. I don’t buy the “visualize what you want, and things will happen” stuff. To me, that is fluff. I agree with the “preparing, planning, and acting” portions of it.


This is one of those things where you could find or make another story about patience and contentment. The difference is: settling and contentment does not sell as much in the self-help space. Activity for the sake of activity is glorified. and we mistake it for progress; like a rat race, like rats in a maze.

Maybe, the point is to find what you are adapting for. And how much cheese do you really need?

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